There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
