My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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