It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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