pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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