i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
