If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
