i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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