Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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