today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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