Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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