Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
