This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
