Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
