The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
