whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
