carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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