I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
