I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
