then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
