it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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