I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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