i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
