ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
