Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
