i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
