Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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