your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
