he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
