I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
