i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
