I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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