This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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