thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
