I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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