Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
