im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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