haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
