Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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