and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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