I've blown a few things in my day
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
