Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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