His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
