all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
