i think my tv is drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
