Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
