Your face is a jimmy john
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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