i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dignity is for republicans.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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