I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
