How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
