You made me cry and you don't even care
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
