Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
