Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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