whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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