You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
