WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
